Death Eater

I was just looking at some profiles on a dating site and came across a user whose name I thought was "Death Eater".  I was momentarily excited.  "Is this guy really into Harry Potter?  I mean, Death Eaters are the bad guys, but maybe there's a funny story there.  Maybe it's ironic.  The important thing is, he likes Harry Potter."

Upon second glance, I realized his user name was, sadly, not Death Eater.  Oh well, a girl can hope.  Besides, Godric Gryffindor would have been a far superior name choice.

Where the Boys Are

Sometimes when I get frustrated at the lack of datable men in my surroundings, I imagine that they all live in a particular community.  In case you were wondering, that community is real and it’s called Pasadena.  Now, I have no proof that there’s a gaggle (yes, I’m grouping men by the term “gaggle”) of smart, thoughtful, deep, and quirky men there, but in my mind, they all live there because: a) They don’t live by me; and b) Guys like that should definitely flock to Pasadena, right?  I mean, Pasadena is amazing.  Have you been there?  It’s like visiting Europe…in Southern California.  The coffee shops.  The amazing book stores.  The insane architecture everywhere!  Who doesn't like Pasadena?

One night I was hanging out with a friend and we were going to a lecture by a philosopher who was talking about the value of art.  We were convinced that a lecture of this caliber would bring out all the smart, thoughtful, deep, and quirky men out of the woodwork.  We carefully assembled our outfits, fully embracing our inner smoldering librarians.  Then, to our dismay, discovered the lecture was full of undergrads.  Woh woh!  The lecture was definitely worth attending, but apparently, these men discovered our plot, remaining safe and sound (in Pasadena).

Ultimately, this may speak more to my love of Pasadena, and possibly a not-so-realistic idea of the living patterns of single men, than to anything else.  Yet, there’s something comforting in thinking that this community exists.  Almost like a personal Atlantis – the lost city of single men.  It’s out there and one day I’ll find it.  On days when my singleness feels like the neverending story, I’m grateful for a laugh and some fairy tale indulgences. 

Wondering if anyone out there can relate?  Where is your fairy land of single men?

And in case you were wondering, yes, the title does reference the 60’s film and song:

My (Wo)Manifesto or Declaration of Dating Principles

Somehow, writing this out felt like a helpful and cathartic practice for me.  I won't get into the details of why this statement came about, but it definitely came from something.  There's a part of me that's scared to post this.  As I told my co-workers, I feel as though I'll be seen as a bit of a shrew.  Yet, this is my story, today.

My (Wo)Manifesto or Declaration of Dating Principles

To the best of my abilities and with God’s help, I say:

• yes to good, clear communication, even when it is challenging or uncomfortable.
• no to games, mind trickery and the like.
• yes to asking for the input of my friends and community in dating.
• no to adjusting central/core values just to be liked by a man.
• yes to discerning God’s journey for me in this experience of dating.
• no to the lie that I will find myself through a relationship with a man.
• yes to learning how to be vulnerable, in relationally appropriate ways.

So, fellow readers, what am I missing?  It's definitely a work in progress, but it felt like a good start.  What is your (wo)manifesto?