Online Dating: Part Two

So, I've ventured back into the world of online dating. This time doesn't feel as daunting. It was a huge deal for me to even sign up for an account awhile ago. I'm not sure if I've had enough time to accept the idea, or if it's just the general sense of freedom I feel in my life right now (or a combination of the both), but I feel surprisingly optimistic about signing up again. Plus, I got a great deal.

Last night I was looking at my matches and I started listing the things that elicit automatic no's from me, or as Liz Lemon would call it, a Dealbreaker. Enjoy!


Automatic Shut it Downs:
-Repeated grammatical mistakes (i.e. "Your" instead of "You're"). I'm not expecting perfect grammar and I realize we all have the occasional typo, but I can only overlook so much. I'm not perfect. Or if you list your profession as a surgeon, but misspell the word surgeon. Ugh.
-Blurry photo - and that's the only photo. In this age of digital technology, how hard is it to take another photo?
-Mentioning a Proverbs 31 woman. This one ticks me off. It feels like a cop out. Instead of listing what you are actually looking for in a woman, you just point to a chapter that paints the picture of a perfect woman. I get anxious when I read Proverbs 31. When I see a guy list that, I feel as though he's looking for a woman to do everything for him. And I get tired.
-Photo with a girl obviously cropped out of the photo. Just choose another photo. Are you trying to tell me that you're desirable? Instead, you look like a player.
-Makes fun of Harry Potter. Ridikulous! I heart Harry Potter, and while it's not a requirement for the guy I date to appreciate it, I don't like it when you look down on it.
-Writing in all caps. STOP SHOUTING AT ME!

This list is not exhaustive. What makes you want to Shut it Down?

Pick-up Lines: Epic Fail!

“I'm looking for the queen of hearts; not the queen of diamonds.” I found this gem on one of the dating sites I’m on. I just can’t stand pick-up lines. I want to vomit in my mouth, cringe, and verbally assault the person who dared try that on me. They hit me as fake and shallow. But yet, guys still use them, so maybe they work sometimes? I honestly think that the only time a pick-up line would work for me is if he picked the cheesiest one around and played it off as the ironic pick-up line. Essentially, you’re doing this in full recognition that it is lame and embracing it as a joke. Now that’s hot.

Anyways, here are some funny Christian ones I found – get ready to be nauseous:

• Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
• You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.
• Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
• Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
• What?! Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark.
• Has anyone ever told you, your eyes are like doves and your neck like the tower of David (read Song of Solomon)?
• I don't speak in tongues, but i kiss that way!
• Hi, my name's Will...God's Will
• [check the person's shirt tag] "just as i thought... made in heaven."
• What do you think Paul meant when he said, "Greet one another with a holy kiss."? (1 Cor 16:20b)
• Before tonight, I never believed in predestination.
• How would you like to join my Purpose Driven Life?
• Just looking at you makes me feel all ecumenical.
• Is this the transfiguration.. because you are glowing
• I used to believe in natural theology, but since I met you I've converted to divine revelation

Why Not Me?

Last night my roommates were talking about a professor they had who was particularly frustrating. The class seemed to be a package deal of suckiness: poor choice of books for the course, lack of discussion with the class and an overall socially awkward professor. One day the professor mentioned that his child was spouting off theological terms before he said “daddy”. That made me sad. It also made me realize that this man was married. Eventually I blurted out loud to my roommates, “How is he married and we’re not?” This thought has crossed my mind many times and I found out that I was not alone. While we all agreed that it was jerky, prideful, etc. to think these things, we also knew that we had thought them many times. “Really? Him? Her?” I think my question underneath it all is, “Why not me?” If I follow this thread in my heart, I see that I can view marriage as a sort of reward. If I’m good and do the things God has called me to, then He will bring that man into my life. So, when I see others getting married, those who I deem as not following God enough, or unwilling to walk through their issues (as if I can determine what that looks like), it strikes me as unfair. Even as I type these words out, I feel guilt. Somehow, they seem so much more harsh on the page than in my brain. Yet, these thoughts and feelings do run through my head. I don’t think this desire for rewards completely fuels my desire to be in relationship with God, but it is present, no matter how much I try to dress it up in faith and devotion.

This all points to an expectation on my part of a tit for tat world. If I do X, then Y will be my result. Always. Infallibly. A few years ago I was in an Old Testament survey course. We were going through wisdom literature and my professor made an interesting point about Proverbs and Job. Proverbs is a book of traditional wisdom. In general, wise living can yield a fruitful life. But that’s not the end of the story. That’s where Job comes in. Job lived wisely. He was an honorable man and successful in life. His life was torn apart and wise living did not protect him from losing everything. There are times when life doesn’t make sense. There is more going on than we can see. The two books together give a nuanced perspective on life, but it is challenging to hold both of those realities at the same time.

My living a wise life will not save me. My living a wise life does not mean that I will get married when I want to. I can say that, but I know that my heart often believes that living a devoted life will directly earn me the things I most desire. When I want them. So, the question is: Can I trust God to work out my life as He chooses to? Can I continue to open my heart to a life outside of the formula?

My prayer in this:
Lord, have mercy. Help me to trust You, not in a formula. Lord, you see how I use pride to defend against some really tender places in my heart. Places that feel forgotten and unseen. I need Your love in those places. I need You in those places. Amen.